People , Hello ~
Info, much?THE GIRL-
Yo strangers ! People called me Nina . 15 years young and currently growing old with SJ , screw you if you don't know them . I'm obsessed , yes I am . and I am a full time fangirl . Hates me , then go away from here . Basically , I wrote everything about SJ-related here . You can barely see any my life updates . because SJ is my life . Hurt me , I am just okay with it . Hurt them , I am so going to turn into a hulk and punch you hard . So yeah , that's it :D
Forever Biased : ZE:A , MBLAQ . Likes : All Kpop music .
since July 11th 2008
Am I ?
posted on Thursday, November 18, 2010, 1:35 PM
Now Playing : Hangeng - Wings of Love
I don't know how can I be like this . I don't know why am I like this . I don't know what lead me into this . I don't know . really . I used to be one of their best fans , their best ELF . and now , I don't feel like I'm even one of their fans , one of their ELF . I lost track , I lost every updates on them , I lost every single of their new pictures , I'm lost . I used to know what they did days and nights , what schedule they have tomorrow or today , what are they doing right now , who's on sukira , who's on youngstreet , who's on shim shim ta pa . I've been cheating on them too much . Too much till I can't even forgive myself for it . What have I done ? What have I done to my one of the best fandom that I've ever been in ? Seriously , I feel like killing myself . Where's the old nina go ? The old nina who always roots for SJ , stay with SJ , stand by SJ , always feels like this world is hers when SJ members tweet something , always checks on their schedules , always stalk their korean and chinese fansites , always watch their videos . sigh . The new nina , I don't know what has gotten into the new nina . Of course she didn't hate or forget or abandon SJ , it's just that , she's busy with other groups , until she forgets SJ . That was her big , biggest problem now .
Ze:a and Infinite . I've never regretted liking them . Make them be my forever biased . Cherish each member of ze:a and each member infinite . Super Junior makes my life feel complete , and they make my life be even more complete . Junyoung , Siwan , Heechul , Kwanghee , Taehun , Hyungshik , Minwoo , Dongjun and Kevin , they never disappoint me in any way . They can sing very very well , can dance , can even do jokes . So do Infinite . Infinite may be new and still clueless about this idol thingy but I’m sure they gonna make it . Sunggyu , Woohyun , Dongwoo , Sungyeol , Hoya , Myungsoo and Sungjong , they can pull off their witty image on and off stage . Hoya can pull off the skill that even he’s the main dancer , he still can sings beautifully . I don’t put all the blame on them . They’re not the one that I can put blame on . Sometimes I asked myself , why am I doing this ? I have SJ and maybe that’s enough . sigh . Being a fangirl , is the hardest things on earth . The hardest things that I am going through now . When I spazz about hyungshik and sunggyu , I tend to forget about Hae . When I’m watching a video of Hyungshik and Sunggyu without subs , I tend to wonder , why can’t I watch JS videos without sub . When I see a fangirl has just so many bias , I wonder am I like her ? Why can’t I be her ? Why can’t I accept the fact that I had 2 more bias than Hae . I just want Hae to be my bias , only him .
I don’t know how to react with this problem anymore . I just can’t accept the fact that I had so damn many bias . okay , only two . lol . I tried so hard , so dam hard to push them away but they keeps on coming and dang it , I like them . At first , I always deny how I love/like/hate my bias just like any other artist . then , I realized that I treat them not like any other normal artist that I like . To be my bias , they must be so special in my heart . You know too right ? I am not that easy to fall in love with someone , to say that I always want to protect them , to say just how heavenly his voice is , to say just how his dance cracks me up , to say just how stupid silly asshole he is and to just say that I will love him forever . To me , the word ‘ I’m your fan ‘ , ‘ I love you ‘ , ‘ you’re stupid ‘ , ‘ you’re an asshole ‘ , ‘ you’re such a heartless guy ‘ , ‘ you’re cheap ‘ and so on are very , very , very sensitive word . I don’t just say them to whom that I only hear their music , admire their voice . I take a year to finally like SJ . and how come I only take a month or two to like ze:a and infinite ? gahhh . this and that questions . this and that problems . I feel like dying . Shitz .
To Hae .
I mean it . When I say I love you , I really do mean it . but sure I don’t really want you to be my boyfriend , in fact I always treat you like my older brother . My older brother whom I can rely on . My older brother who’s the only one who understand me . Lately , I’ve been lacking of you , your pictures and your news . so much . I can’t take it . I can’t hide myself from being guilty on what have I done . I feel like I don’t deserve your love , your support and your sincerity anymore . I promise to not look at any other guy other than you , I broke my promise . I broke my promise to be just your fans and not others . I broke my promise to make you’re my only bias and I failed . I broke my promise to spazz about you everyday . I broke my promise to update about you everyday . I broke my promise to make your group my only group who can make me feel at ease . I broke my promise to not delete any of your songs on my iShuffle . I broke my promise to save your pictures more than others . If you know this , If you ever acknowledge this , will you forgive me ? will you still accept me as your fans ? will your group members still accept me as their ELF ? I’m sorry for what have I done these past few weeks . I just can’t control myself . I’m sorry .
To Shik and Gyu ,
Two of you brings a lot of happiness to me lately . Shik with his own frantic sillyness that makes me go aahhhh and ohhhhh every night . Gyu with your amazing voices and amazing eyesmiles make me go crazy every damn night . How can I not love you more ? but I’m sorry , you sure want me to be your fans . I’m sorry that I can’t . I’m scared that I might abandon Hae . I’m sure I will protect , love and support you like always do . You two are like my soulmate . Stay with this kay . I will buy your albums if I can , I will support everything you do , I will love you like I always do . I’ve once hate ZE:A and Infinite , if you acknowledge this too , will you two ever forgive me ? I don’t know how can I hate such angels like you . I’m sure I will be in your fandom once I have accept the fact that , a girl can admire many many guys but she will sure be back with her first love . First in anything . :)
I will work hard to be the best ELF I can . I can do it . Nina hwaiting .
ps : if you still want to read my entry for SJ's annivesary , I will finish it up later . lol
posted on Saturday, November 6, 2010, 1:08 AM
by the way sunggyu , awesome gyu . i love you 8D
Henry and Zhoumi ,
posted on Thursday, November 4, 2010, 3:03 AM
I don't know how much I cried seeing this . I don't know how much my heart has torn into pieces when I see this . you know , he deserve every happiness in this world . Why can't you let him be with his hyungs ? Please , I don't want to make him looks pitiful here , but he really deserve to be with his hyungs . Do you not hurt by just seeing this ? Isn't he in our family too ? and a family needs to be united . then why is he still there ? why you still object his presence in the family ? Why ? I don't get it . Lets just get over it . He did nothing to us . They did nothing to us . They just want us to love them , to support them . They don't even want to join SJ , so why we bother to let them suffer more ? It's not their fault or even his fault to be in SJ-M . the one who you should blame and torture is their company and not them . They did nothing . really nothing towards all of you . Why can't you just love them ? A little is really enough . They need the love . They need the love from the fans . Stop being so selfish , will you ? Lets just stop all this hate . Just stop . I can't bare to see Zhoumi and Henry hurts anymore . It's just too much for myself . Please . Stop all this . Love them . Please love them . more . more and more . please .
Dear ELF ,
posted on Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 12:52 AM
I'm writing this because I'm upset with some of the ELF , who don't even worship Zhoumi and Henry . Look , I understand what you mean . You want SJ to be forever 13 , You want SJ to be 13 and only 13 , You want SJ to start with Leader Teuk ends with ELF , You want SJ to continue to be 13 forever . I understand . I want them to be 13 too , as Super Junior . and Super Junior , they want to be 13 too , forever . I understand how you protect 13 members and take care of them . Like I don't , right ? I love 13 too , but I don't really have a heart to make Zhoumi and Henry sad . Super Junior loves Zhoumi and Henry . Why can't you love them too ? You know , it's really possible for them to be in SJ . It really is . Then , why can't you at least , at least see them as our family ? Zhoumi and Henry is a part of our family too . SJ loves them . Whatever you did now is breaking their heart . They have gone so much of shits from the day they debut until now , you really love to see them crying over you huh ? Please , be matured . Think before you act . Do you think when you chants ' Only 13 ' , things will get better ? hell no . You're not just breaking Zhoumi and Henry's heart , you're breaking SJ's heart too . Your goal is to make them suffer and leave this fandom , do you ever think of SJ ? do you ever care what they feel ? do you ? Why ? They will be sad too . Zhoumi and Henry are after all their friends . They're siblings . You chants ' only 13 ' everywhere you see them . Look , just put YOU in their shoes . You're going to pursue your dreams while everyone around you hated you just so much . Everyone feels like killing you . Everyone ignores you . How does it feel now ? Good ? Of course , no . Of course you feel like giving up or even murder yourself . But look at them , how strong they can be to fight ALL of you back and stand up properly as SJ-M's Zhoumi and SJ-M's Henry . Did you ever think that you're just too much ? Too much of hating them ? For what ? Why can't all of you to stop hating and starts loving ? It isn't that hard . Zhoumi and Henry need our love and support the most . Who else going to support them if not ELF ? WHO ? They need us . Stop hating them please . They just have suffered so much . Lets just accept them for the way they are . Lets just love and support SJ-M's Zhoumi and SJ-M's Henry as much as we love and support SJ .
Go ahead, & chat away.
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