People , Hello ~
Info, much?
THE GIRL-
Yo strangers ! People called me Nina . 15 years young and currently growing old with SJ , screw you if you don't know them . I'm obsessed , yes I am . and I am a full time fangirl . Hates me , then go away from here . Basically , I wrote everything about SJ-related here . You can barely see any my life updates . because SJ is my life . Hurt me , I am just okay with it . Hurt them , I am so going to turn into a hulk and punch you hard . So yeah , that's it :D
Forever Biased : ZE:A , MBLAQ . Likes : All Kpop music .
since July 11th 2008
posted on Sunday, July 17, 2011, 6:59 AM
I'm useless to you aren't i ? I can't be the great daughter that you've wished for , I can't be a great sister to all your other children , I can't even do things you want . Exactly , what did you want from me ? I GAVE YOU MY EVERYTHING ALREADY . and you think i can accept it when you said i lied to you WHEN I EXACTLY NOT THE ONE WHO DID IT . and because of your other fucking children aka my fucking siblings did it , I'M THE ONE WHO GOT THE BLAME , FOR EVERYTHING THEY DONE . what exactly i did , you tell me . i did nothing . and i even adviced them to not go , but they want to . THEY WON'T EVEN LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING . SO IS IT MY FUCKING FAULT . you . what you know is , khairina who is the cause all of this happens . KHAIRINA FUCKING DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HER SIBLINGS . and when khairina did , no one even appreciate it . you yourself , have you ever took care of your siblings ? HAVE YOU EVER ? DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEM ? HUH ? you don't know how hard it is ok , you don't know how painful it is . what you know is to blame me , KEEPS ON BLAMING ME , while i did nothing . NOTHING . ugh . i cannot even wait to go out of this house and make a new life . someone should marry me ok , let me go out of this house .
mum , you are not helping either . when you are mad , i tried my best to make you happy . and when i am mad at everyone , you tried to even make it more painful . fine . so this is what you want . FINE .
I'm not lying when i said i hate my life so fucking much .
How can you be like this .
posted on Wednesday, June 15, 2011, 2:56 PM
How can you be like this ? I'm sorry but I dislike all the hates you are throwing to my friends . and now what , what they did ? why you no throw all the hates to my sister's friends ? they are the bitch one , not mine . you are the one who told me to be friends with someone good and true and what ? I DID . How can I not be worried when her father is in critical situation ? HOW CAN I NOT ? after all her father has treat me really well . we are like sisters , her family member know me too . really well . and why are you suddenly acting like this ? acting like you don't care about her ? this is really you ? I could not even believe . your sudden attitudes makes me don't believe you more . and more . IS THIS REALLY YOU ? please la mum , i'm being serious here , I WOULD NEVER NEED YOUR HELP IF I CAN DO ALL BY MYSELF , but no , i can't drive nor i can ride a motorcycle . I'm not treating you like my driver , I just want to go to the hospital and make her happy . why you no like her parents ? do you remember something ? who helps you when you need helps ? who always talk about you to her friends ? WHO ? not her mum eh ? . really lah . just because they are rich , and we are not , doesn't mean my friend is the type of girl like you imagine . really .... i'm speechless when you said you don't like her family . idk what to say anymore . You are so 1980 minded . if her parents didn't come when i got admitted in the hospital so what ? and my sickness is nothing serious . i got admitted because i'm lack of water , but what about her father ? her father has heart attack and he's still not stable , fighting against everything he can . I need to be beside her , i need to hold her and tell her everything's gonna be ok . is it that hard . is it wrong . is it ? stop it mum . really .
the reason why you think my friends are more important than me , because you feel that i don't treat you well . you always thought that i'm such an impudent daughter who talks back everytime . you feel that you have given me enough . when no ..... you haven't give me your attention that much , love me that much , took care of me that much , proud of me that much . after all i think i'm living on my own , no one cares about me when i'm home . luckily i have my friends , i can feel the love they are showering me , i can feel it . you know ? no you never know . what i get from you is scolding and swearing , everytime . i'm tired of all this . i thought that you know me well enough when actually you didn't. you said you tried so hard to understand me , when i don't see any effort in that then you said you fail to understand me . i know right .
my life . sigh .
blah .
posted on Saturday, May 7, 2011, 10:32 PM
Mum why are you like this . Seriously , internet is my life . yes i admit i couldn't even live without internet . you know mum , sometimes we need entertainment too . Just like you who release your tension with shopping , i need to release my tension too . but i am seriously not like you . i can't go out , i can't go shopping , i can't watch TV ..... and what's with the new rule ? I can't go online too ? seriously mum , you need to move on . we are not living in 1980 something . we are in 2011 and everything has changes . our minds have change too . of course when you were young , you are not like me . you don't go online , you don't listen to music and such . but unlike me , you are even luckier , you can go out for date , you can go out without even worrying someone will kidnap you , or without even worrying that your dad will definitely chase you with parang and all that . I am 16 mum . I have lived for 16 years . i know what is wrong and what is right . I know how to balance everything . i know how to control myself ... and i sure know a way to get rid of the stress i have right now . i choose science stream because i want to be a phamarcist . of course it's not you who advice me to choose that but you know , in life , sometimes we can't do things that can pleased people . so i choose science stream . you should have known i have 12 subjects that i need to memorize each one of them . imagine how stress will that be mum . just imagine . i do not want to graduate from high school and not getting so much of As . I need to make you feel proud of me , i need to make my aunt's mouth shut and stop stabbing our backs . Mum i do all this for you . I did all the chores work so that you can rest more and enjoy your sweet time . I don't even studied , I do this all for you . Why you still no understand ? I don't need anything but internet . Please understand me .. it is not that hard kan ? i love you so much but please stop destroying my teenagers life . i need to be a normal teenagers too :(
and waasuo siblings . WHAT'S WITH YOU PEOPLE WHO FUCKING ADDICTED TO FACEBOOK . you know what ? i suggest you to stop doing all these and go read english story books . i don't even know why are you all this advanced . that fcking fb is not suitable for you people age . because of you people who don't follow mum's rules , i got the sarcasm , i got the scold AND I FUCKING GOT THE BLAME . WHAT I DID ? SERIOUSLY WHAT I DID . I followed the rules like a madcrazy person just to let mum know that i am not like you all . i don't know who influenced you people until you got this bad attitudes . one day , i swear one day i am so going to meet all of your friends and slap them in the face . i don't know how can you be this idiot . seriously , you two should search for a true friend who doesn't give you bad influence , unlike those bishes who only lead everyone to a great depression because of your act . please stop .
i swear i can commit suicide anyday . i just couldn't take it anymore . this world is so freaking cruel .
2010
posted on Friday, December 31, 2010, 2:53 PM
Yo people :)
2010 , you gotta agree there's so much happens in 2010 . january to december . even the last day of 2010 itself brings a bad news to me . but i'm glad that i still stay strong after whatever happens . really
1) I'm glad that i know them
each of them means so much to me . i don't care what anyone going to say , ze:a is an underrated group , or infinite is just another group that tried so hard to copy your favourite group or whatnot whatnot . i seriously don't care . starts from junyoung to dongjun , from sunggyu to sungjong , i just don't know how to thank them more for making my year even more complete . they are now a part of my life , other than SJ . it's hard for me at first to like other groups than SJ . it's freaking hard . i tried my best not to fall for these two groups but i failed . and that's sad . but now , i can accept the fact that i am actually falling for those two groups . i love these boys so much , you can't even imagine how big my love was . i go cray cray over both of the groups everyday . i tried my best to catch up on their schedules like what i did to sj . know what they did all day long . i love you boys so don't you ever change . i love you just the way you are . really .
2) Teukchul
I'm actually glad that bonamana has this 83lines thingy . i will miss them once they're gone next year . i hate reminding myself about their army enlistment but i can't help myself to ignore the fact that i'm separating with them for two years . two years , 24 months . you think i can survive ? hell no . although i will try my best , it's still gonna be painful . i have never separated with them in these 2 years i'm with them . i still see the cheerful leader and evil heechul everyday . getting used with their updates . now i wonder how does it feel to not see teukchul in one day , no update from them in one day , missing them everyday . i wonder if i can bare with it . it's gonna be hard , but i will try . I'm actually proud of them , ei don't you feel proud to ? your idols are actually trained to protect their own country . that's so manly ide . true men did that . i'm proud of teukchul . yes . and teuk-ah , why are you worried you might lose fans ? just see how much fans you got out there , from all over the world , small kids to teenagers , we will all be here for you even after 10 , 20 and 30 years old . really . it's just only 2 years and it will in just a blink of eye ! no need to worry that much because yes , like what we promise , we will be together until forever . i don't believe in forever but when it comes to you and SJ , forever do exist . in a sapphire blue world when there's only ELF and SJ , forever and yongwonhi do exist . believe me :)
3) Infinite's Woohyun
baby , since you're a part of my life , i am affected by what sungyeol tweeted , about your back injury . it affects me so much . i can't even smile . i was all sad and tried my best pretending to smile . i liked your teaser , very much . it shows how manly you were but that's not cool woohyun . that's not cool when you actually injured yourself while filming . i don't like the fact that you tried so hard for us . for your fans until you don't even care about yourself . and you made the staffs cried too while filming . jkjk . rest well woohyun . i could wait for ever for your comeback , it doesn't matter to me . what matter to me was your health , i don't want you to get sick anymore . you performed at mbc gayo daejun , i still can see the pain in your eyes . just how much you tried to hide them , i still can see them . i literally cried when you performed , painkillers injection is not the solution . you need a hell lot of rest hyunnie . don't overworked yourself . be healthy kid . :)
AND WHAT . HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNGMIN !
sungmin-ah , i hope you will be strong forever to face whatever may happens in the future . you are a true man despite of your cute image . really . be happy mingggiiie .
whatever might happen later , i wish everyone of you HAPPY NEW YEAR 8D . 2011 will be such a good year you know :) have a great day everyone ~ this has been nina who always talks crap throughout her 2011 year and thanks for reading . very much appreciated !
golden disk award . hi .
posted on Friday, December 10, 2010, 12:11 AM
Dear SJ ,
I don't think it's the right thing to say sorry to us . I'm the one who should say sorry , we're the one who should apologize . Lee Hyukjae , thanks for asking us why are we crying . It hurts so much to see you cried , and here we are , crying too . although it's just ' why are you crying ' , i know you care so much about us . I just , I'm sorry to let you down :( you're the first one who tweet us , sometimes i wonder how the hell you know how i feel right now . sometimes i wonder are you with me ? why you know about me so much ? hyuk , thanks . idiot , you better let your tears go by tweeting or i will kick your ass for having so much of secrets . you better don't . Lee Sungmin , where are you right now ? as far as i know , iphone can't access minihompy or cyworld , you must be hiding somewhere and cry don't you ? but my lee sungmin never show me his tears . that's just how great you were . you were so strong inside but yet too squishy outside . you're always be the one who calms me down , say it's okay , try to cheer me up . you were just too lovely lee sungmin . we're sorry to disappoint you again . you said it's okay , i will still feel guilty . I just wish i was strong , like you , to accept everything that happens , but i never will be . be strong as always lee sungmin , so that you can be the power of me who never let me down and cry . and idiot , just cry if you want , a man is not weak when he cried . okay . heechul , heechul-ah =( you were so disappointed don't you ? you tried so hard to hide your sadness but it still , i still can see tears in your eyes . man , you're cool . you're just cool to console your hyung , tell him that it's okay , better luck next time . i'm sorry . i am really sorry . Thanks for standing beside leader whenever he's sad . at least he know that he has a friend that is the same age as him to say things like that . I trust you kim heechul . thanks .
hi park jungsoo . I have lots , yeah lots of things to say . first , I'm sorry that I let you down , although you say that we're the best , i still think that i'm not . second , teukie-ah , uljimaa . it breaks my heart to see you cried on heenim's shoulder . third , you should have known about this , whatever gonna happen , whatever they say , whatever they think , i will , we will always be there beside you standing up high and down low with you . fourth , leader-shi , i don't know just how much you wanted GDA , how the hell much you said you wanted to be congratulated too by the end if this year , and it saddens me so much when you tried your best to smile . park jungsoo , you failure , never hold your tears anymore , you hear me ? NEVER HOLD YOUR TEARS ANYMORE . just cry if you want , just shout if you want , just do whatever you want . because park jungsoo , for all the hardwork you did , for all the sacrifices you have done , you deserve every happiness in the world . be happy , jungsoo-ah . sleep well too . my idiot .
kim yesung , why you tweet our picture and make me cry . we did our best don't we ? thanks :)
Lee Donghae , like what i said , when you tweeted , i feel like the bomb has just dropped . i cried even harder , i sobbed even harder . why you have to do this . you feel very loved ? how ? we don't even give you gda , you must be lying hae . i'm sorry , no gda for you . are you sad ? don't be =( . you still lack in many things ? you really think you're lacking so much ? seriously hae , tell me how much you worked your ass off for this , tell me how many times you're sick because of us , tell me how much you made me feel very loved , tell me how . tell me why you said you're lacking , infact you don't . lee donghae , you're my perfection . i hate it when you questioning my loyalty towards you . ' but will you still believe in us ? ' really ? hae . i just proved it to all of you , i'm here with you for two years already . and it's not easy . i have come this far , why would I lost my loyal when you didn't get an award ? why would i hate you when you didn't even win that award ? is love really depends on an award ? know this hae , i will always be here . ALWAYS BE HERE . don't question it no more . i hate it . i love you too and a toast for you who always did your best in anything . i will work harder too in 2011 so that i could see only smiles in your and your members' eyes . TEARS NO MORE .
ELF , you have to be strong . lets be strong with our boys . only we know what's the real situation , why this and that happens . how the judge cheats here and there . we can do it . prove them that they are wrong , prove to them that we're the best . don't do silly things , that means you have given up . never lose hope , remember ? we are ELF . ever lasting hope . ever lasting love . ever lasting friends . forever . hwaiting . :)
Labels: gda
Am I ?
posted on Thursday, November 18, 2010, 1:35 PM
I don't know how can I be like this . I don't know why am I like this . I don't know what lead me into this . I don't know . really . I used to be one of their best fans , their best ELF . and now , I don't feel like I'm even one of their fans , one of their ELF . I lost track , I lost every updates on them , I lost every single of their new pictures , I'm lost . I used to know what they did days and nights , what schedule they have tomorrow or today , what are they doing right now , who's on sukira , who's on youngstreet , who's on shim shim ta pa . I've been cheating on them too much . Too much till I can't even forgive myself for it . What have I done ? What have I done to my one of the best fandom that I've ever been in ? Seriously , I feel like killing myself . Where's the old nina go ? The old nina who always roots for SJ , stay with SJ , stand by SJ , always feels like this world is hers when SJ members tweet something , always checks on their schedules , always stalk their korean and chinese fansites , always watch their videos . sigh . The new nina , I don't know what has gotten into the new nina . Of course she didn't hate or forget or abandon SJ , it's just that , she's busy with other groups , until she forgets SJ . That was her big , biggest problem now .
Ze:a and Infinite . I've never regretted liking them . Make them be my forever biased . Cherish each member of ze:a and each member infinite . Super Junior makes my life feel complete , and they make my life be even more complete . Junyoung , Siwan , Heechul , Kwanghee , Taehun , Hyungshik , Minwoo , Dongjun and Kevin , they never disappoint me in any way . They can sing very very well , can dance , can even do jokes . So do Infinite . Infinite may be new and still clueless about this idol thingy but I’m sure they gonna make it . Sunggyu , Woohyun , Dongwoo , Sungyeol , Hoya , Myungsoo and Sungjong , they can pull off their witty image on and off stage . Hoya can pull off the skill that even he’s the main dancer , he still can sings beautifully . I don’t put all the blame on them . They’re not the one that I can put blame on . Sometimes I asked myself , why am I doing this ? I have SJ and maybe that’s enough . sigh . Being a fangirl , is the hardest things on earth . The hardest things that I am going through now . When I spazz about hyungshik and sunggyu , I tend to forget about Hae . When I’m watching a video of Hyungshik and Sunggyu without subs , I tend to wonder , why can’t I watch JS videos without sub . When I see a fangirl has just so many bias , I wonder am I like her ? Why can’t I be her ? Why can’t I accept the fact that I had 2 more bias than Hae . I just want Hae to be my bias , only him .
I don’t know how to react with this problem anymore . I just can’t accept the fact that I had so damn many bias . okay , only two . lol . I tried so hard , so dam hard to push them away but they keeps on coming and dang it , I like them . At first , I always deny how I love/like/hate my bias just like any other artist . then , I realized that I treat them not like any other normal artist that I like . To be my bias , they must be so special in my heart . You know too right ? I am not that easy to fall in love with someone , to say that I always want to protect them , to say just how heavenly his voice is , to say just how his dance cracks me up , to say just how stupid silly asshole he is and to just say that I will love him forever . To me , the word ‘ I’m your fan ‘ , ‘ I love you ‘ , ‘ you’re stupid ‘ , ‘ you’re an asshole ‘ , ‘ you’re such a heartless guy ‘ , ‘ you’re cheap ‘ and so on are very , very , very sensitive word . I don’t just say them to whom that I only hear their music , admire their voice . I take a year to finally like SJ . and how come I only take a month or two to like ze:a and infinite ? gahhh . this and that questions . this and that problems . I feel like dying . Shitz .
To Hae .
I mean it . When I say I love you , I really do mean it . but sure I don’t really want you to be my boyfriend , in fact I always treat you like my older brother . My older brother whom I can rely on . My older brother who’s the only one who understand me . Lately , I’ve been lacking of you , your pictures and your news . so much . I can’t take it . I can’t hide myself from being guilty on what have I done . I feel like I don’t deserve your love , your support and your sincerity anymore . I promise to not look at any other guy other than you , I broke my promise . I broke my promise to be just your fans and not others . I broke my promise to make you’re my only bias and I failed . I broke my promise to spazz about you everyday . I broke my promise to update about you everyday . I broke my promise to make your group my only group who can make me feel at ease . I broke my promise to not delete any of your songs on my iShuffle . I broke my promise to save your pictures more than others . If you know this , If you ever acknowledge this , will you forgive me ? will you still accept me as your fans ? will your group members still accept me as their ELF ? I’m sorry for what have I done these past few weeks . I just can’t control myself . I’m sorry .
Two of you brings a lot of happiness to me lately . Shik with his own frantic sillyness that makes me go aahhhh and ohhhhh every night . Gyu with your amazing voices and amazing eyesmiles make me go crazy every damn night . How can I not love you more ? but I’m sorry , you sure want me to be your fans . I’m sorry that I can’t . I’m scared that I might abandon Hae . I’m sure I will protect , love and support you like always do . You two are like my soulmate . Stay with this kay . I will buy your albums if I can , I will support everything you do , I will love you like I always do . I’ve once hate ZE:A and Infinite , if you acknowledge this too , will you two ever forgive me ? I don’t know how can I hate such angels like you . I’m sure I will be in your fandom once I have accept the fact that , a girl can admire many many guys but she will sure be back with her first love . First in anything . :)
I will work hard to be the best ELF I can . I can do it . Nina hwaiting .
ps : if you still want to read my entry for SJ's annivesary , I will finish it up later . lol
Labels: Craps
posted on Saturday, November 6, 2010, 1:08 AM
by the way sunggyu , awesome gyu . i love you 8D
Henry and Zhoumi ,
posted on Thursday, November 4, 2010, 3:03 AM
-Nina
Dear ELF ,
posted on Wednesday, November 3, 2010, 12:52 AM
I'm writing this because I'm upset with some of the ELF , who don't even worship Zhoumi and Henry . Look , I understand what you mean . You want SJ to be forever 13 , You want SJ to be 13 and only 13 , You want SJ to start with Leader Teuk ends with ELF , You want SJ to continue to be 13 forever . I understand . I want them to be 13 too , as Super Junior . and Super Junior , they want to be 13 too , forever . I understand how you protect 13 members and take care of them . Like I don't , right ? I love 13 too , but I don't really have a heart to make Zhoumi and Henry sad . Super Junior loves Zhoumi and Henry . Why can't you love them too ? You know , it's really possible for them to be in SJ . It really is . Then , why can't you at least , at least see them as our family ? Zhoumi and Henry is a part of our family too . SJ loves them . Whatever you did now is breaking their heart . They have gone so much of shits from the day they debut until now , you really love to see them crying over you huh ? Please , be matured . Think before you act . Do you think when you chants ' Only 13 ' , things will get better ? hell no . You're not just breaking Zhoumi and Henry's heart , you're breaking SJ's heart too . Your goal is to make them suffer and leave this fandom , do you ever think of SJ ? do you ever care what they feel ? do you ? Why ? They will be sad too . Zhoumi and Henry are after all their friends . They're siblings . You chants ' only 13 ' everywhere you see them . Look , just put YOU in their shoes . You're going to pursue your dreams while everyone around you hated you just so much . Everyone feels like killing you . Everyone ignores you . How does it feel now ? Good ? Of course , no . Of course you feel like giving up or even murder yourself . But look at them , how strong they can be to fight ALL of you back and stand up properly as SJ-M's Zhoumi and SJ-M's Henry . Did you ever think that you're just too much ? Too much of hating them ? For what ? Why can't all of you to stop hating and starts loving ? It isn't that hard . Zhoumi and Henry need our love and support the most . Who else going to support them if not ELF ? WHO ? They need us . Stop hating them please . They just have suffered so much . Lets just accept them for the way they are . Lets just love and support SJ-M's Zhoumi and SJ-M's Henry as much as we love and support SJ .
-Nina
Day 2 .
posted on Sunday, October 17, 2010, 1:36 PM
Day 2 : Write a letter to the person that you like .
Dear person ,
It's so obvious right ? I just have my eyes on him , now and forever . Hey what's up ? I still remember the first time you caught me off guard when I was watching Dancing Out . How much a dork can you be ? I don't know you at that time , all I know is , the guy who wore blue-stripes shirt . I tried so hard to not fall for you , but you were always here in my mind . You have won over my heart . fyou lee donghae , i don't freaking like it . when my friend asked me , was you the one that i like , I refuse to say yes . We just met , and that's impossible for me to fall for someone so easily . I am not cheap . She gave me tons of your group videos . and I have watched tons of it . Starting from Full house , then Mystery 6 , it leads me to Adonis Camp , here comes EHB . I did not expected to see you in every show I watched . You're like the ghost who follow me around when I watched certain video because it only consist of you ! Why are you like this ? Why you have to torture me ? I have already a fandom that I need to be loyal to . Slowly , time goes by , you have grew in me . Your laugh and voice were my melody everyday . Your smiles were my sweet to be happy . Why are you like this ? Why you have to make me be like this ? Seriously hae , I hate you . I can't find the reason why I'm attracted to you . Until now , the question is still unanswered . From Don't Don to Sorry Sorry to Bonamana . There's times I gave up on my fandom life . but you , and your group members , were too special for me to leave you all . You made me change 360 degrees . I'm used to write in malay , but now , everything that i typed is english . Nina and Khairina is absolutely not the same person . You changed me from Khairina into Nina , that's awesome Hae . There's no one can change me be like what am I now . If it's not because of you , I would have be the nerdy Khairina who only use her laptop to play games . Lee Donghae , I dropped almost all of my results . but you never care . I turned myself into a lazy ass , you never care . I slept in the class and getting scolded by the teacher , you effing never care . I slept late at night and woke up with those heavy eyebags , YOU NEVER EVEN CARE . That shows how cruel can you be . But did you know ? Just by your smiles , Just by your voices , Just by your quotes , you can make me be the most happiest girl on earth and forget all the problems i have . Why are you like this ? Why it's you who has the charm to make me happy all the way ? WHY IT WAS YOU ? WHY ? WHY LEE DONGHAE ? WHY HIM ? sigh . I believe that's the fate between us . You and me , like this , forever . I believe it's the fate that make us be together . The person I like above , who named Lee Donghae , who made my heart stop beating when he smile , who just can make me happy with a single smile , I've liked you and loved you for 2 years . and I'm still counting . I hope we can be together , forever . It's okay for you to not know me , because you eventually will know me later . Till then , Bye =)
- Nina .
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't know I actually have two fangirls of my blog ? LMAO /HUGSTHEM . by the way , I already have a tumblr . COOL XD http://haeboo.tumblr.com
SEE YOU THERE 8D
Labels: lee donghae
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